Christmas drinks…..

This time of year alcohol is everywhere. It flows so easily and seems to be part of everything we do without question.

Im learning more and more now much I hate the stuff. Not just the alcohol and the affects it has on me and my mindset but society’s expectations that we all want to get smashed at Christmas time.

The parties, the presents, the bottle of wine from work, the after work drinks, during work drinks, friends for drinks and dinners out.

Ive avoided the majority of it this year. Last night we had friends for drinks, ironically. I only had 3 and im suffering today. Mentally im annoyed at myself and physically ive a headache and no energy. Ill pick up but this is what I wanted to document, the feelings of dread and regret for no real valid reason on a small amount of alcohol, it really is poison and my anxious body isnt taking to it well. It makes me sad, worried, sick, pained and anxious.

My dad drank, alot, my friend lost her life to alcoholism and this is why im documenting my journey and in honestly I think it will end in sobriety but ive a little way to go yet before im ready.

For now im having a sober Christmas Eve prepping for a busy Christmas with my family

🎄Merry Christmas, Woollhead xx 🎄

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Friday 15th December 2018

Anxiety and everything it brings me sucks.  Its so all consuming at times and cause tears, arguments, stress and worry.  It comes when I least expect it to as well as when I  totally expect it to.  I’ve been told time and time again that writing might help and now im doing it.  If this helps me find my triggers, manage my life better to reduce how often it happens and make me happier and mentally healthier then everyone is a winner.  See its not just me who suffers, the kids, my husband, friends and family all take a hit at times, knowingly or not.

Its true that anxiety can arrive when you least expect it to but there are a number of situations, and probably more often in my case, when it comes with a trigger.  There are all sorts of triggers out there and its so individual and personal that the list would be never ending.

My biggest trigger – Alcohol.

It is a huge trigger for me and today im on an alcohol fuelled anxiety slump and my head feels heavy.  It is like your brain has been replaced with a ball of wool and you need to let it unravel to even begin to feel normal again.  Its foggy, its butterflies in your tummy for no reason, its feeling panicky , irrational and angry and totally unworthy.  Today I’ve been through all of this, you just have to ride it out, know whats coming and remind yourself that it will end eventually.  Annoyingly this feeling could have been avoided had I not drank too much last night so today I’m turning these feelings into ideas.

So I know my biggest trigger is alcohol so the answer is simple right? Don’t drink too much.  Exactly right but when you are also suffering social anxiety and use alcohol to loosen up you can see why it escalates.  I drink to settle my nerves and gain my booze confidence, im cured, I don’t feel anxious anymore, keep drinking and have a fabulous time – the end.  Except it isn’t the end, the next day my anxiety is out of control and im in bed with not only a hangover but im Woolhead. Bittersweet Alcohol.

I say every time I will quit drinking but how would I even go out? Would I loose friends? Id be boring wouldn’t I? I don’t know what to say and Id love to start this with the positive step of saying im going sober but I’m just not sure that I can commit to it.

Over this journey im going to make a conscious effort to drink less, manage my anxiety better, learn my boundaries and find my personal coping mechanisms along the way.  6 months of writing the good, the bad and the ugly.  Ill be honest and frank and hopefully we can all learn a bit about ourselves along the way.

Yours, Woollhead xx